A Tribute to My Mom: For Mother’s Day

I lay my head in my mother’s lap as she slowly strokes my hair. Her skin smells like coconut and is soft to touch. She sings a deep melody under her breath, clenching her teeth in concentration. The tune starts to match what’s playing on TV. It turns into a lovely harmony with the dog food commercial. I laugh and pinch her leg, and she playfully swats me on the back.

The smell of fresh cookies wafts up the stairs as I sit and do my homework. I hear my mom’s footfalls on the steps. “Thought you could use a snack,” she says, and sets the cookies on my desk. Pressing her hand on my shoulder she says, “Don’t work too hard. When you need a break, come find me.”

A sticky note slides across the table as I sit in Bible study with mom next to me. It’s from her. “Want to go to lunch?” it reads. We go to Mexican food and sit and laugh and gossip a little, but mostly talk about life.

My mom holds me while I cry into her shoulder. The girls at school don’t accept me. I don’t understand how to make friends. She pats my back and says that the good ones, the kind ones will notice my friendship. They’re the only ones worth being around anyway.

My mother laughs and flips around the pool, showing off for her grandkids. She is their playmate and companion. With her they laugh and cry and feel safe. Even now that they are adults, they go to her, seeking counsel from Grandma.

My mother’s smile starts deep inside her. Her laugh comes bellowing out from deep within. It reaches first her throat then her face then her eyes. Her cheeks glow red with the joy of it. It’s a laugh that makes you step back. Her joy draws attention. You cannot look away. It makes her beautiful, her face aglow with the light that radiates out of her.

People are drawn to my mother like water after a long thirst. She has something they need; they just don’t know it yet. Gently, my mother sits down and slowly, calmly, changes their life. She would tell me it’s just Jesus in her, and I agree.

She is earnest as a rough wave and as compassionate as the following calm. Her openness has no limitations. Never did she turn away a wayward or sorry heart.

I watch my mother work outside in the garden. She’s just told me for the millionth time to be more compassionate, to look outside myself and to see other people. Taming my wild spirit takes most of her time, but where would I be without my mother?

It’s through her eyes that I see the humanity in others. I can live outside my own mind and see the beauty, the Christ, in them. She has guided me there. If I grow one day into the beautiful flower she has become, I will count myself blessed. Her ministry has spread through her children, both biological and adopted in faith, many of whom are also serving in ministry to others. Though we now live thousands of miles apart, I carry her with me every day with each soul I can touch for Christ. With the spirit of my mother and her Savior inside me, I greet each day as an opportunity to bless others with a kind word, with an infectious laugh, and with those sparkly, dancing eyes of my mother that thankfully, she gave to me too.   🌷

A Tribute to My Dad: For Father’s Day

I feel the rough grooves in my dad’s hands as I place mine in his. His massive fingers, broadened over years of manual labor, envelope mine. Oil and grease and all kinds of dirt are embedded in those grooves. It feels comfortable. The story of my life is written in those hands.

I’m three years old and my dad is tucking me into bed. He tells me about the wild adventures my bear and monkey have gone on the night before. We hide and giggle and try to scare my mom when she comes in to give me a kiss goodnight.

I’m four and I dance around the piano while my dad plays and sings, “That’s my girl, that’s my girl, Kalene. She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

I’m sitting at the dining room table and my dad comes home from work. I feel his big hands scratch the top of my back. “Hi Lizzy,” he says, “How was your day?” He looks tired and completely worn down. I pray he can sleep and rest and not have to think about life for awhile.

I’m in college, just out of class. I check my phone and there’s a message from a pirate saying, “Argh, Lizzy. This is your dad. Want to meet for coffee today?” The pirate and I meet in south campus and drink coffee and share memories.

I’m seven and dad comes home from working the graveyard shift. He tells me he’ll pick me up from school today and we can grab a Blizzard. Then he tries to embarrass me in front of the kids at DQ. I’ve lived with him too long to be embarrassed about anything. He offers to give one of the kids a ride home. He’s a really smelly kid I don’t like. Dad doesn’t care. I sit in the back while he chats with the smelly kid, whose day probably got better because somebody cared.

It’s the final hour of the last tennis match of the season. I get ready to serve and look over at dad. He’s got a banner with my name on it and he’s waving it frantically in the air.

Take care of my little girl“, he writes on the banner for my going away party. It’s the first time I’ll ever be without him. He’s passing the most important job off to my husband, John, who takes it gladly.

Tears stream down my face as we dance at my wedding to the song he wrote for me, his little girl. I feel a tear splash in my hair and I bury my face in his chest.

I watch him gently and tenderly lower first my grandfather, then my grandmother into the car. He laughs and jokes with them both and they feel young again, if only for a moment. When they die, he sings and plays them both into heaven.

My dad comes to visit me for the first time since I moved away. I watch him hop around the living room as he blares his new favorite 70s ballad over his phone speakers. It feels good to have him and mom here, like picking up where we left off.

I put my hands in his and I’m home again.

Summer Time in Kentucky

Words and Melody by Kalene Barry

Well it’s summer time in Kentucky and we gotta head to the lake.

So get over to the general store and pick up that good bait.

Then hop onto the John Deere ’cause we got a long way to go.

Well the sun is gittin high and the trout are running slow.

Momma likes her catfish cooked in mayonnaise.

Papa’s got a recipe for bass.

I like my crawdads with the head chopped off and served with a side of sassafras.

The Winds of Change

As November turned into December and I observed the one-year mark of my Grandmother passing away, I thought about how change sometimes comes like a hurricane. One minute, everything is calm. Then the hurricane moves over you. The wind howls around you. Then it moves off and you start to put together the pieces of your world as it is now.

These last four years have been our blasting hurricane of change. Just when the winds started to settle, the hurricane gained strength and came back for another round.

Now, as I attempt to settle into my life here in Tennessee, I look back at the last four years and see what God has done through it all. He is good through all things and in all times. He prepares us for what lies ahead and helps us to process what is now behind. Most importantly, He meets us in the middle of each moment, from now until we see Him face to face.

To the ones I now hold only in my memories.

Grandpa John (far left, bottom). Since 2016.

Nana. Since 2019.

Mr. Milt. Since 2020.

As I walk forward in this new reality— our life after the hurricane— I am thanking God that some things never change: the constant love and prayers of our families, God’s amazing ability to get us through any challenge, and His unending love which blankets every part of our life.

To say that God caused me to lose people, my good health, opportunities, and things that I love would be folly. To say that He is constantly giving, working all things for good, weaving colors into our tapestry that make it a beautiful work of art, and ultimately giving of Himself for the lifeblood of all creation would be the gospel. Praise God for His generous Spirit!

“But to those who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”

John 1:12-13 (ESV)

Soldiers in the dark: My first day on post

It is pre-dawn. The coffee maker is gurgling and I am preparing to drive John to his first day of work. Nerves aflutter, we step out our door and get ready to greet this new world.

At the gate, I nervously hand my I.D. to the MP who smiles, salutes John and wishes us a good morning. “Well that wasn’t so bad,” I think, as we drive past a large welcome sign.

The roads, named for various battles and brigades, are busy with cars in the pre-dawn light. Everyone is trying to get to their unit buildings, the same as us, because PT is about to start. In this, the most deployed of all the divisions, you live and breathe PT. Physical fitness is key.

I say goodbye to John and watch him as he walks across the road to his building. “Now what?” I think. Maybe I’ll sit for a bit and just absorb this new world. I look out onto the parade area beyond John’s building and see a mass of black dots moving in the dark. It’s soldiers coming from the barracks, getting ready to join their units.

Now what was it John told me? Oh yes, at 6:28, I salute the flag when I hear the reveille. Then I need to get off the post because PT will start and most of the roads will be blocked off for soldiers.

“I still have plenty of time before that”, I think, as I head in search of the on-post Starbucks. A little coffee, watch the sunrise, what could be better?

After a pleasant chat with the baristas, I hop in the car and enjoy the beauty of the sun rising over the fields, forests, and HMMWVs. I look at the car clock. Uh-oh, it’s getting close to 6:30. Better get out of here while the roads are still open.

But how do I get out of here? Let’s see, Google Maps, yes….okay that looks like a good exit. Start navigation.

Navigation: “Turn right ahead.”

Giant Road Sign: “Road blocked. For PT only.”

Navigation: “Why aren’t you turning right?”

Me: “Because the road is blocked. Find me another way.”

Navigation: “There is no other way. You’re on your own. Goodbye and good luck.”

I pull into a parking lot in front of some road guards to regroup. There has got to be a way out of here! How do I find it? Okay, let’s follow those cars. They look like they know what they’re doing.

Well, now I’m in a dead-end neighborhood.

Let’s follow that bus! It probably leads….to the school and another dead-end.

Let’s follow that line of cars. They definitely know where they’re going. Well, yes they do. They are going to their units at the end of a dead-end street.

I park my car in the middle of a parking lot where groups of soldiers are stretching, chatting, and getting in their last smokes before PT. It’s time to suck up my pride and just ask someone how to get off this post.

I put on my most enduring smile and walk up to a man who looks like he might be in charge. He’s got a mustache anyway, and I know you’ve got to be high-ranking to have one of those. The mustache man gives me an exasperated look as I start to ask for help. Maybe he thinks I’m looking for an autograph or something. Then, as I explain that it’s my first time on-post and I have no idea how to get off it—with a few more enduring smiles thrown in for good measure—he sighs and says, “Okay. Here’s what you’re going to do. You know the four-way stop where you came in? Okay, you’re going to go back there and turn left. Then you’re going to go right, then left, then pass over a railway bridge, then round a bend to a river, then pass a golf course, then…”

My mind starts to wander. This is way too much to take it. Left, right, railroad, golf course. Okay, Kalene, just listen for key words. I’m being taken in by the mustache. I can’t stop staring at it. He looks like General Custer. Wait, the mustache has stopped moving. He’s staring at me.

“You got that, ma’am?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” I say and get back into my car.

Okay, first step is to turn left past the road guards—the same road guards I have already passed about 15 times in my attempts to get out of here. They nod at me. One chuckles and hands the other one a fiver.

But there it is again! The giant road sign: Road Closed for PT Only. Wait…road closed…for PT only. That’s not two sentences, it’s one. The road is closed for people doing PT, meaning it’s cars only!

I drive past the road sign, past soldiers stretching, doing push-ups and crunches on gravel, past the golf course and to freedom.

It was a fun adventure, but I think John will be driving himself to work from now on.

The Staring Culture

I’m not sure what it is about the midwest. Perhaps it’s a lack of entertainment value. Perhaps people just generally take a greater interest in each other’s lives. But people stare at you out here like you are the greatest new exhibit at the zoo.

No greater was this phenomenon manifest than in our recent trip through South Dakota. We were stared at in the parking lot. Stared at when backing out our car. Stared at in the grocery store. It’s not like there’s a shortage of white people out here. What’s so weird about us, people?!

Maybe I’m jaded by my Pacific Northwest upbringing. In the NW, we don’t stare at each other. In fact, we barely make eye contact when we pass each other on the street. I think this is due to the fact that we’re constantly slogging through the rain. If we lift our heads to greet one another, we’re bound to get drenched.

We also tend to keep to ourselves in the PNW. Our business is our business. This is also true of big cities like New York. There are stories of people being mugged or worse in big cities, and the people passing can’t be bothered to notice.

This is not the case in the midwest. Whatever is going on with you is everyone’s front page news. The situation was so intensely uncomfortable for me, someone who hates to be stared at, that I made John push through the whole state of South Dakota just to get us out of there!

Thankfully, we found refuge in the bigger cities of Omaha, Kansas City and Saint Louis.

Now, here in the south, people don’t really stare as much as they take a kindly interest in you. They greet you with friendly smiles. Instead of a curt wave or head-nod on the trail, I get “good morning!”-s and “how many miles did you do today, miss?”-es. I get “have a great day”-ed constantly. It’s really sweet.

It does bring me a bit of comfort to know that I ever were to run into trouble, all I need do is yell for help, and the twenty five people already staring at me will run to my aid. That’s the good thing about staring culture: everyone’s got your six…and your twelve…and your nine…and your three.

“To The East, Good Fellows!”

To the tune of “Yon Yonson”.

Our name is the Barrys.
We don’t hail from the prairies.
We don’t eat only white bread;

But the Army has called us.
The boot march’s before us.
So we go,
East we go,
Then to the south…


We left bold evergreens
And mountains pristine
For the cradle of the Civil War
;

Traded high-flying eagles
for high-flying Eagles.
They both scream.
One screams louder.
And we’re proud


Of the ‘ole 1-0-1,
with their tanks and their guns;
America’s true fighting force
.

Get ready for Rakk life.
Get ready for ruck life.
So we march,
make good time,
God to soldiers and soldiers to God
.

The weather is warmer.
The people are warmer.
The BBQ makes our hearts sing.


It’s time to settle,
Buy a house and kettle
Three more years,
So they say
We shall see…


Again from the top!

The Journey Starts with Box World

I’m half Dutch. If I can save some coin and be OCD at the same time, it’s a win-win. That’s how Box World was born.

The concept behind Box World is simple: minimize negative space by purchasing raw materials and constructing custom-sized cardboard drawers. This reduces all materials to their absolute smallest footprint and saves in excess packing material. Plus it’s slightly more eco-friendly than bubble wrap and packing peanuts.

I started out by categorizing all my items by relative size. Then determining a standard box depth, began building boxes to house items of similar width and height. Each individual item is encased in separate blocks, labeled, and entered into my universal spreadsheet (which is subsequently organized by item name, box name, and frequency of use). See the picture below for an example.

Box World Drawer Example

After adding on some shiny new drawer pulls (80 cents each) and labels to each box, a structure began to emerge. This picture shows Box World’s humble beginnings.

Box World’s Humble Beginnings

In the end, we were able to create columns of 20″x20″x16″ boxes, all uniform in size and shape in our UHAUL, ready to drive across America.

This kind of peace of mind comes with a price. It will cost you around 400 hours in labor, building boxes, and 250 hours cleaning and organizing your stuff. Most people would think that is ludicrous. But I always say, “if you have the time and energy to do something so perfect that it makes you want to scream with delight, why not do it?”

Many tears of joy have been spilled over Box World. The fact that, on a whim, I can look up every item I own in a single categorized spreadsheet makes me tingle with the greatest satisfaction. No more, “where’s that? I thought we had this, but I can’t find it!” No more scrambling around the house before trips. No more buying more stuff just because we’re too lazy to properly organize the stuff we already have.

And finally, the answer to all the things you may already be thinking: Yes, we have no children. Yes, I’m perfect for the Army life where we have to move all the time. Yes, I am obsessive and loving it.

You may laugh at me and say I have too much time on my hands. But the next time you’re running around your house looking for that one item you can’t seem to find, I hope you get a mental picture of me gingerly sliding out my perfectly placed drawer, finding that item you were looking for and…wait, I’m a chaplain’s wife…

….and nicely telling you to have a great day!

Like I See Me: A Poem

Not many people see me like I see me.
Not aggressive. Not passive. Just something in between.
But not many see me like I see me.

Not many people see me like I see me.
Not pretty. Not rude.
Not polite. Not organic.
Just something in between. I’m just something in between.

Not strange. Not smart. Not particularly efficient.
No talent. No class. Just livin’ in the moment.
But not many people see me like I see me.
Yeah, not many see me like I see me.

I guess it’s okay, ’cause there’s only one me.
I know who I am, and I know my individuality.
Shaped by the Trinity. Forged with identity.

Stand back world, ’cause here comes Kali.

 

Tales of a Small Town: Bellingham, WA

There are a few, usually sunny, days a year when the famously laid-back ‘city of subdued excitement’ puts on its party pants.

The biggest is the annual Ski to Sea Race in May. Participants strap on boots, sneakers, helmets, and life jackets (not all at once, of course) to ski, run, bike, canoe, and kayak from the glorious slopes of Mount Baker to picturesque Bellingham Bay.

Just a few weeks before the big race, however, when the super-human ‘Hamsters are pushing themselves to new feats of strength in preparation for their race events, the rest of us average work-out-five-days-a-week-for-two-hours folks are looking to swell our ranks.

Yes, Bellingham, despite its reputation for hippy-like slothfulness in the winter, is a competitive, active community when the sun comes out. After all, we have to keep up with our big sisters, Portland and Seattle, who are consistently ranked in the top most active cities in the U.S.

And so, when the sunshine of spring seems like it’s going to push away our ever-looming rain clouds, us averagely-active ‘Hamsters initiate our modus operandi numero uno: Bike to Work and School Day.

We say this well publicized event, plastered on the back of every passing bus, is about saving the environment from carbon emissions. But we all know it’s really about broadcasting one message to the entire town: Get Active or Move Out. Maybe the neighboring county towns of Lynden and Ferndale will accept you with your ten pounds of holiday weight, but we won’t!

Today happened to be Bike to Work and School Day, and, as I was driving my husband to work through the streets of downtown, I couldn’t help but smile at how unique our little community is.

There was bike shop number one with a tent, a healthy display of bikes, and a yeti cut-out on the corner next to Starbucks where the mentally-ill homeless are usually yelling greetings at passersby.

Down the road, bike shop number two was appealing to the younger crowd in handing out free stickers and juice boxes. Ambitious moms were checking the strength of helmets and corralling youngsters whose wheels ranged from tricycles to training pedals.

I saw a gaggle of pimply teenagers swarming the local police station, where bicycle cops were handing out free donuts and wishes for a good day at school.

The local triathlon club even had a tent, and was sending out siren calls to any muscley man or woman walking by.

And the streets were filled with bikes. Everyone from the jaguar-like sleek-body road bikers, to the hulky mountain bikers whose calves look like chiseled arrowheads, to the free-flowing long haired beauty on the beach cruiser, to the family of four with the little ones stuffed in bike trailers. They all came out en masse to celebrate this community event.

As I looked around, my healthy dose of shame at having driven to work on Bike to Work and School Day was trumped by a swelling sense of pride in our small community. And laughing to myself, I silently agreed with bumper sticker on the car in front of me: Welcome to Bellingham. Now Get a Bike! 

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